9 Things I Didn't Know Before I Moved to Alaska.

This is written to be fun, funny, and possibly informative! No AI (uh, very little?) was used in the writing of this blog (except images) and no animals were harmed!

1 - Dating: What you don't see in the lower 48: girls on dating apps posing with a salmon (or like 12) and some will have an un-alived moose next to them. When it all goes down, and the lower 48 is under some kind of nuclear holocaust and you can’t find toilet paper or Cheeseits, spend no time worrying about Alaskans, these women up here hunt and fish, and build igloos on their days off. The men, idk, they’re also killing bears and drilling for oil, trust me, we’re good. EVERYONE open carries here, chicks have 9s strapped to their chest, we’ll be fine. Everyone carries, shoots, hunts, and fishes... and that's just a Tuesday morning in Alaska. Oh, and there's only like 7.2 people on all the dating apps, combined.

2 - It’s cold and hot: kind of ridiculous to say out loud, but it does get cold, like Anchorage, -25 (or lower) in the winter and can hit 80 in the summer, and once you’ve been in Alaska for a minute, 70 and 80s feel like you’re on the surface of the sun. The cold is pretty bad but I just tell myself in Texas or Florida, where I moved from, you walk outside half the year and you’re instantly sweating. Fairbanks can hit -50s occasionally getting to the -60s and in the summer it can go into the 90s!

3 - Moose: Speaking of moose, they’ll kill you, although unlikely, they do occasionally kill someone. I've been charged by one once, on a hike, one was not happy with how close we were (like really close). I've walked right by many a moose on trails and they were all cool, just munching a tree and watching me like I was some annoying squirrel) Getting too close was on me, and it charged. We ran! Unlike a horse, a moose will front kick you, so watch your 6! Moose are part of the dear family, if you've seen a dear trample someone on an ig reel, then imagine that x 1500 lbs. They’ll wreck your car (don't let them drive your car first of all) there’s like 800 moose/car accidents a year. There's only 750,000 people in the state, so every year .1% of people in Alaska hits a moose, and it’s worse for the moose, usually… but people will come pickup the moose and quarter it or eighth it, ...it eventually gets eaten, I haven’t figured out how to get a moose in my minivan….yet. And, yes, moose cause more injuries in Alaska than all the other animals combined!

4 - Shoes: The only thing more dangerous than the wildlife are dress shoes! Forget dress shoes, throw them right in the trash, sure in the summer if you’d like to look like you’re from out-of-town, bring your dress shoes. We have no purpose for them here, and they will kill you dead in the winter, just please, please try to wear your dress shoes on the ice and snow, you’ll never make it to your car. (trust me, I've tried :) Also, we put screws in our shoes… that’s a thing, and I don’t think I wiped-out last winter so must have worked. Lastly leave your shoes on the porch, cuz they do that here, and if you need a fresh pair of kicks, check everyone's porch for your size ;)

5 - Salt vs Gravel: We don’t salt here, I think it’s for the salmon, cuz it’ll mess up their streams with salinity. We gravel, which will screw up your car, every road feels like it has snipers in the trees, gravel or tiny rocks get picked up by tires and fling that ish into orbit and where it comes down is right on MY windshield, and then leave it to the seasons-freezin to spread those cracks across everything, and voila windshield replacement is the 5th leading industry in Alaska. (Oil and Gas -> Gold -> Tourism -> Mining -> Windshield Replacement!)  

6 - People are unconventionally nice here, like it’s odd. I’m from Texas and firstly: I get hospitality, but the person working at the gas station will literally say, "Welcome in! how you’re day is going so far?" like what? ...it’s kind of off uncanny at first, it feels like everyone is trying to get you join the Cult of Alaska with unnecessary niceties, or maybe it’s just me, coming from Florida with a mix of New Yorkers, Cubans and Haitians where aint no one nice - first, they’re all cool later... once you get to know them… But, once you get used to how freakin nice everyone is, you wouldn't trade it for nuthin.

7 - Skiing: we have like 4 pretty interesting places to ski here, Alyeska - if you haven’t skied in a  while, please don't go to Alyeska, you will die there, it’s known as steep and deep, because it’s, uh, steep, deep, dark, cold, but can also be Amazing with views of the Turnagain Arm (the ocean) from the top. And, there is also something for all levels of skiing. I recommend Fall or Spring, as the winters can be cold (but not always, this last winter was pretty mild). On the bright side, they do light their slopes which actually is pretty great for night skiing, *and remember it's night at like 5p :) We also have Hillside, Arctic Valley and Skeetawk. I taught my daughter at Hillside, literally right in Anchorage, it's one lift and great runs. Perfect for beginners, although a couple pretty good steep slopes as well. The Alaskan youth got it made with a season pass to hillside, they just go there and ski everyday after school!? what??

8 - The solstice Turns out isn’t just the name of a stripper at the club in Miami... here in the AK, it’s a BIG deal. We love the solstice because that means the days are finally getting longer or shorter. We’re never totally happy with the amount of light we get, except in the fall and spring. In the winter there’s way too little light, in Anchorage it’s like 4 - 5 hours a day, sends your melatonin into overdrive, vitamin D plummets, and you’re wakefulness into under-drive. Half of Alaskans leave for a month or so in the winter, Hawaii is our sister state (imho) and in the summer it’s amazing but get out the duck tape and trash-bags and cover the corners of your blackout curtains cuz that sun creeping in will keep you up till 2a and have you back up at 5a. 

9 - Isolation one of the oddest things moving here from the lower 48 is a sense of isolation, in a state 2.5 times the size of Texas; you'd think it would be impossible. Alaska is not landlocked, but it might as well be, being that Montana is a couple thousand miles of highway to get there. If you've ever taken a vacation to Alaska, you might have realized it's a pilgrimage to get here. There's almost always connecting flights, layovers and delays. So, when you move here, it's quite the trip to go back home. Every trip seems like it inevitably takes 24 hours of neck pillows, sleeping on a plane windows or getting steamrolled by flight stewards and drink carts.

Anyway, that's my 9 things I didn't know, and now you do. Thanks for reading, I usually do a blog like once a year, so you know, not gunna make any grandiose promises that this will be a regular thing, cuz you and me both know that it's not. ✌️🏔️ ⛷️ 🫎

Written by: Kel Thompson, a Feature Filmmaker, Comedian and Alaskan Tour Guide!

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